"Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is BEAUTIFUL!!!" - Sophia Loren

"Come what may, and love it. I know why there must be opposition in all things. Adversity, if handled correctly, can be a blessing in our lives. We can learn to love it. As we look for humor, seek for the eternal perspective, understand the principle of compensation, and draw near to our Heavenly Father, we can endure hardship and trial." - Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

"Happiness does not depend upon what happens outside of you, but on what happens inside of you. It is measured by the spirit with which you meet the problems of life." -Spencer W. Kimball

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." -Unknown

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Life has a funny of working sometimes. Things that you never thought would happen usually end up happening. For example, I really never thought I would graduate from college because I thought I'd get married younger than I am and have to drop out. But look at me now. I did graduate from college and am still not married. Also, by this time in my life (I'm 22) I really thought I would have dated someone. But that still hasn't happened and it kinda makes me sad and think there's something wrong with me.

Now I know that all probably sounds like a pity party but I don't want you to feel sorry for me. Those are just where my thoughts are right now. What makes those things close to the front of my mind is that I know sooooo many people who are either getting married this summer or who got married in the last year and it makes me a little sad because I feel like I'm missing out on some part of life because I'm not doing the same kind of things that all those people are doing.

If once in a while, lately more than before, I get into these funks where I don't like my life and I can't see any silver linings and I don't see how life can be good because all the bad things keep on piling up and I can't see the good parts of my life.

I feel like a failure in some ways. Yes, I graduated from college and that's a big accomplishment. But what's next? I'm not getting a master's degree, I don't have a job, and I feel like once again I'm the one being left in the dust. After being so busy all the time I hate, hate, hate sitting at home all day every day by myself. It sucks and it's not me. I need to be busy. I need to be doing something.

It also hurts when you realize that you've started liking someone that you've known for a while only to realize they like a friend of yours. So once again it looks like I just have to move on.

This line of thinking makes me think of President Uchtdorf's talk from last general conference on patience. Here's a quote that really helped the first time that I read it and hopefully will give me some strength right now: "Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can't see the Lord's hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our characters and pave the wya to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness."

I just wish I understood why I had to go through these experiences now. These lessons that I am being forced to learn are so hard and I just wish I could understand or at least catch some kind of break. I feel like I'm at the point where I don't think I can handle many more bad things happening to me. I'm reaching the breaking point and I don't know what to do about it. I know Heavenly Father only gives you trials that you can withstand and will make you stronger but right now I'm thinking he thinks I can handle more than I'm capable of.

Sorry if this is kinda gloomy. I just needed to vent my feelings and get what I was thinking out my head. Thanks for reading. I know all of you who read this care about me and love me so thanks for your support. I'll try to make my next blog post cheerier. But this is just what I was thinking about this morning.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Graduation Pictures

Me and Ariel

Me and Nicole. Look how proud she is of me :)

Yay!! I made it (with a fake diploma haha)

Me and Candace. I love that girl

The fam. Waiting for things to start.

Me, right after commencement

Brandon!!! I was so excited that he came back to Provo for graduation. He graduated in December and I didn't think I was going to get to see him again :)

Me and Nancy. She is such an inspiration coming back to school after all these years.

A bunch from MFHD: Sarah, Me, Collette, Kaylee, Jeff

Good ol' Brigham

Me and Kaylee. We made it!!

Jacob and his little cutie after graduation :)