Clarity

I've had one of the worst weeks that I've had in a long, long time. It seemed that if something could go wrong it would. To use the terminology of a friend of mine: I got shot in both knees and the shoulder all at once.

I had to fire 2 people (both in one day), put 4 people on warnings, my second in command got a promotion (go him!), and the guy I wanted as his replacement I couldn't hire. Oh, did I mention that I'm being forced to move out of my apartment too? And the time frame that I was originally given to move? The week that I'm in New York. Could things get any worse?

So not only did I have to do my regular job but I also had to do a bunch of interviews and start packing up my apartment. Great....

And to top it all off, I started crying 2 different times at work this week. Being a girl stinks sometimes. I was in a meeting with my boss on Thursday and then on Friday was having a talk with my lead supervisor. I guess the emotional/stressful week just took it's toll on me.

During my meeting with my boss we didn't talk about work or my performance in my job. He had no feedback for me because he said I know how to do my job better than every other supervisor he has. That's good, I guess, but sometimes it's nice to hear about something you can do better at. He asked me some hard questions that I didn't know how to answer.

"What do you want out of life?"
"What's your 5 year plan?"
"What makes you happy?"
"What would you do if your job here disappeared?"

I don't know why these questions had such an impact on me but they did. I didn't have an answer to give him and that made me feel horrible and started crying like a little girl. I don't do that ever, let alone at work.

On Friday on the way home from work I still didn't have an answer to those questions and I seem to be questioning every move I make. So yet again, I started crying. My weekend assignment: think about what I want out of life and the near future and read a book called "Drive" by Daniel Pink.

I don't know if I've found what I want out of life but this is what's helped me be a little more calm and not so emotional:

The temple is an amazing place. Today I was able to go to the Draper temple for the first time. The temple is beautiful and has such a calming serenity about it. I have been able to put things in a better perspective than it was even a few hours ago. I shed a few tears while there but they weren't tears of confusion but tears of knowing that someone has a plan for my life even if I'm not sure what it is. I'm going to continue to do some soul searching to figure out what I want out of life and what I want to look forward to so we'll see where that takes me.