Sleep

Rewind to last school year: I was getting a very adequate amount of sleep. I was very good at going to bed by 10:30 and then getting up around 6:30 or 7:00 the next morning. I went to bed early last year and my classes started a little bit later. I didn't feel tired or stressed all the time.

Fast forward to the present. On average I go to bed after midnight most of the time. I'm super stressed out about all the papers and assignments that I have to do. Plus I have an exam today that I don't know how I'll do on. I'm so tired!!! It's hard to concentrate when you're exhausted. Yesterday was a long day and today will be another long day.

I'm just a little frustrated with life today. I have a lot to do and very little time to do it in. This morning in my half awake state as I dragged myself out of bed I decided there are some questions that I have been afraid to ask but I am going to go ahead and ask them and see what happens. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to just ask a question or have a conversation.

Playing games can be fun for a time but after a while it gets old. I'm sick and tired of playing games. So I pose a question: why do people play games if no body likes them? I've always wondered why and I really want an answer. Why play games if no body likes them? Maybe I'll never know the answer but we'll see.

I know this sounds very pessimistic and I apologize. I'm not looking for anyone's pity or anything like that. I just needed to put my thoughts out there. From now on I'm going to try and have a more positive outlook on life. Yesterday I read a talk given by Elder Richard G. Scott given in 1996. There were a couple of things that stuck out to me that gave me some comfort. I'll share a quote from him that I really liked.

"I often interview strong priesthood leaders. When these men speak of their wives, it is with deep tenderness and obvious appreciation. Often, tears flow. Their comments include “She is more spiritual, purer, and more committed than I,” “She motivates me to be a better person,” “She is the strength of my life,” and “I couldn’t do it without her.” As a woman, please don’t judge how worthwhile, needed, and loved you are by our inept ability to express our true feelings. Your divinely conferred trait of giving of self without counting the cost leads you to underestimate your own worth."

"Generally you have no idea of how truly wonderful and capable you are, how very much appreciated and loved, or how desperately needed, for most men don’t tell you as completely and as often as needed." (Elder Richard G. Scott, Ensign November 1996, The Joy of Living the Great Plan of Happiness)

I'm sad to say that there are many times when I think I'm not good enough or wonderful enough or awesome enough for the people around me. I have roommates that tell me that's not true and I know I'm wrong when I think that way. Elder Scott gave me a very firm reminder that I am good enough. Just because people don't tell me that I'm worth it doesn't mean I'm not. I'm know I'm worth it and I know somebody else will realize it too when the time is right. I think right now I just need a few extra prayers for everything that I have on my plate. If nothing else, each of you can pray for me to get through everything I need to do.

I love you all and I just want to let each and everyone one of you that you are appreciated, loved, and very much needed.