Day 12: Something You Never Get Compliments On

I'm not sure what exactly this means. Is it something I think I should get complimented on or what? I don't know what to say here. Everything that I can think of right know that I'd like to be complimented on I do get compliments on. I guess something that I feel I do well that I don't get complimented on is including others in what is going on. I don't know if this fits here but I can't really think of anything else at the moment :)

Day 11: Something That People Seem to Compliment You the Most On

Something that I get compliments on all the time is my hair. I have so many people tell how beautiful my curls and they wish that they could have hair like mine. This one day at work I was down in the cafe on my lunch break and a girl I work with was like "how do you always look so cute all the time? You're hair always looks so nice." I was a little embarressed. I just feel better about myself if I look put together when I go out so I always make sure my hair looks nice and I that's what I get the most compliments on more than anything else.

Day 10: Someone You Need to Let Go, or Wish You Didn’t Know

To be honest I can't think of anyone that I wish I had never met because all the people that I have known in my life have taught me a lesson or something about myself. I'm grateful for the experiences that I've had and the people that I have known in my life. I wouldn't trade any of my experiences with the people I've known for anything. So maybe I didn't exactly answer this one but that's how I feel.

Day 9: Someone You Didn’t Want to Let Go, But Just Drifted

Someone that I'm sad to say that I've drifted away from is one of the best friends I've ever had, Wayne. We used to be really close and talk all the time and now we've pretty much drifted a part. I think it has a lot do with living in different states. But also that our lives are going in different directions. We met when we were both working at Wienerschnitzel and we became really good friends. After I moved to Utah we stayed in touch but over the last year and a half we have kept that much in contact and it makes me pretty sad. He's a great guy and it's too bad that we haven't stayed as close as we once were.

Day 8: Someone Who Treat You Like Crap

Someone who treated me like crap was this guy, Nathan, that I worked with back home. I did him a favor by testifying for him at a court hearing and after that he acted like I owed him something. After I did a favor for him. It was ridiculous. He kept acting like I owed him something and wasn't very nice to me after that. I felt like he took advantage of me and I didn't appreciate it.

Day 7: Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living

Someone who has really made my life worth living is my sister in law, Nicole. I have known Nicole for about 3 and a half years now and she's one of my very best friends. I can't imagine my life without her. I can talk to her about anything and she's one of my biggest sounding boards. Nicole, I love you!!! My life would be so different without you. I'm so glad that you're a part of my family forever :)

Day 6: Something You Hope You Never Have to Do

Something that I hope I never have to do is look back on my life with regret. Over the past few years I've learned that you should live life to the fullest and not sit around waiting for some "thing" to happen. I don't want to look back 30 years from now and regret not doing or doing something.

Day 5: Something You Hope to Do in Your Life

Something that I hope to do in my life is get married and have a family. I know that may sound like a cliche mormon girl thing to say. But it's something that I've always dream about and that I really want more then anything else.

Day 4: Something to Forgive Someone Else For

I'm not sure what to say here. I'm not trying to say that I'm perfect or anything I'm just having a hard time of thinking of something to forgive someone else for. I think the biggest thing that comes to mind at this point is forgiving all the people in the last year that have hurt me by asking me why I'm not married or why I'm not getting married soon. When people say that to me it's really a little hurtful. It's not like I don't want to be married. It just hasn't happened yet. It was especially weird when my sister got married and a ton of my dad's doctors kept asking me if I was the one getting married. It's like people expect me to be married because I'm almost 23 and have graduated from college. I guess this whole tirade is mostly about forgiving people for judging me when they don't know my situation.

Day 3: Something You to Forgive Yourself For

This is a hard truth for me to face. I have been thinking all day about something I need to forgive myself for. It's one thing to admit it to myself but it's a whole different ball game to admit it like this.

Last year I wasn't very nice to a friend of mine and didn't treat her very well during one of the happiest an exciting times of her life. You know who you are so I won't mention a name. With time I came to accept that I wasn't being the nicest person but I felt awful for it. I've come to the understanding that I need to forgive myself for the mistake I made in treating my friend horribly. I made some bad choices and I need to just forgive myself for those choice because life moves and you grow from the mistakes you make in the past.

Day 2: Something You Love About Yourself

Something that I love about myself is that I can do so many different things with my hair and it looks good pretty much however I choose to do it for the day. Something that isn't physical that I love about myself is that I have the ability to be friends with so many different kinds of people. I have so many different friends that I've made in different settings and ways.

Day 1: Something You Hate About Yourself

Something that I hate about myself is that I often get down on myself because I compare myself to other girls that I know and I feel like I fall short of what I "should be". This might sound a little weird. Sometimes I look at myself and what I am doing and I feel like I don't compare very well with some of the girls that I know.

30 Days of Truth

i decided to take a leaf out of Nicole's book. She's doing what's called 30 days of honesty. Basically there are 30 things you have to honestly tell about yourself. Honesty is really the best policy and I really believe that you can learn about yourself by being honest not only about yourself but others as well. Wish me luck :)

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself

Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like crap.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

November is Here

I can't believe it's already November. It seems like that just yesterday it was May and the summer was beginning. Now fall is practically on us and winter is coming fast on it's heels. It makes me sad and happy at the same time. I've missed the snow a little but I love the fall weather.

I haven't been up to much of anything too exciting. Mostly just working and living life. Halloween is done and over with. I'm not the biggest fan of the holiday so I wasn't that excited for it. Because the holiday fell on Sunday it was celebrated mostly on Friday. I went to Oktoberfest at my complex and a party my stake had. Today, my ward had a Halloween party a day late. It was a costume party and chili cook off with a trunk or treat. It was pretty fun. I dressed up as maid Marian and my friend, Ryley, was Robin Hood. It was pretty awesome.

I went on a date this last weekend for the first time in a while. It was a kinda short date but it was really fun and I had a really good time. We went to Wal Mart and bought stuff to make S'mores. He bought me a reeses while we were standing in line and it was really cute. We went back to his apartment and colored in coloring books and ate s'mores and then he walked me home. It was short but sweet and I had a lot of fun. :)

It's crazy to think that the holidays are just around the corner. Which means my birthday is just around the corner too!! Haha, not that I'm counting days or anything. Just saying that the year is fast coming to a close. Crazy times. It seems like as a get older that time goes by faster and faster.

Being Crafty

Every once in a while I get this urge to do something crafty. I want to make something and have it be cute. Last week I had one of these urges. So on my day off I decided I would make something. I went to Michaels with Ryley and collected some supplies. I took these...

and this...

and these...

and here they are all together...

and I turned it into this:

A beautiful fall wreath. Isn't it cute? The picture isn't that great so to do it justice you should stop by and see it at my apartment. I got the inspiration for it from Ryley's mom. Ryley's mom is the craftiest person ever. She has a craft blog that I read and a few posts back she made this cute wreath that I LOVE so I decided to satisfy my craft urge I would make a wreath. Mine is a little different then hers but I still love it and I think it gives a nice fall touch to my front door.

What you do you think of it?

Fall is Coming

Last Saturday when I was at work I received quite a surprise. I was taking my first call of the day at a bright an early of 8:00 am and I received an email from the manager of the department asking me to come to his office. My first thought was "oh no. What did I do?" There's no way I could possibly be in trouble because I knew for a fact that I had been doing my job the right way and doing good at my job. So after my phone call I went into coaching and went to his office. Larry looked at me and another girl that got the same email I had gotten and told us "you're not in trouble just go into the conference and wait with the others."

It turns out there were a few (10ish) chosen to be a part of a special team to help retention with their que. Retention tends to get really busy and so it takes a long time for them to answer phone calls which is not good. The reason those of us that were chosen were volunteered for this project was because we're really good at taking phone calls and were volunteered by our supervisors. So in essence I would be learning how to take retention calls but still take customer support calls. After training we would be working down stairs on the first floor. Let's just say that I was not excited about this at all. Yes there are bonuses for saving accounts but I really just didn't want to do it.

The rest of Saturday I did training and listened to some phone calls. I wasn't excited to go to work on Monday in the least. Which usually isn't the case. I go into work on Monday and I'm banished downstairs with everyone else that's doing this assignment with me. During my break I went upstairs to talk to Matson (my supervisor) because I hadn't talked to him all morning which usually doesn't happen. I sarcastically thanked him for hanging me out to dry. He told me that he had no idea that I was being taken off his team and doing this retention project until that morning. I told him that I really didn't want to do it but I'd stick it out and see how things are at the end of the week. He said if I wanted to he'd get things changed and bring me back upstairs. After my lunch break I came back inside and another of the supervisors was down there and she told me to read the post it that she'd brought me from Matson. It said:

Dear Briana,

Your awesome team lead is bringing you back upstairs. You have been given permission to rejoin the "fold"

Matson

Or something to that effect. Basically he didn't want me downstairs doing the retention thing because I'm good at what I was doing before. He talked to Larry and had me switched out for someone else. I was so excited. You have no idea. I was talking to one of the other supervisors (Tyler Anderson) after I came back up stairs and he said there's no way the team could lose me because I'm a really good rep :) I was so happy and relieved to not have to do that retention thing. I keep seeing people that knew I was down there and they ask me why I'm back upstairs. I just tell them that Matson wanted me up here and that's the end of that.

The only down side of this whole the is that it had already been changed so that I get mostly retention calls. So basically all week I haven't been getting as many calls as normal. Yesterday, during my coaching meeting I told Matson that it still wasn't fixed which is a problem because I was going 20-30 minutes with no calls which isn't normal during the week. He tried to fix it but couldn't and neither could any of the other supervisors. So I have to wait for Larry to change it. Near the end of my shift yesterday I went an hour and ten minutes without getting a call. I was so bored out of my mind. I had the chance to talk to Tyler for a few minutes because I wasn't taking any calls. He told me doodle to pass the time. Which I did for a little while. I finished reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. In the last hour and half that I was at work I took 1 phone call. So lame. Hopefully it will be changed today since I'm not working and tomorrow when I go to work everything will be normal again.

On the bright side, I found out yesterday that on my scorecard last week I got a B which is really good and my team of 10ish people was rated the second best team of people taking phone calls in the whole company :) That's a great feeling.

So most of this post has nothing to do with fall coming but mostly about what's going on at my work. Such is life, haha. I'm excited for the weather to start cooling down a little bit and for what comes with fall: fall colors, leaves changing, fall holidays, and sweaters!!! I love sweaters and I love getting to pull them on after a long time of not getting to wear them :) Another fun thing about fall is General Conference!!! I always get super excited for conference every fall and spring. The sad thing this time is that I have to work on Saturday so I can't watch any of the sessions on Saturday. I'll just have to get my fill on Sunday morning and afternoon.

Wow, this has been get a long one. I hope you're not too bored reading about the inner workings about what I've been doing lately. Have a great weekend!!!

Reflection

Two posts in one week? This must be a record for me or something, haha :)

I was just thinking about the difference between where I am now in life and, where I was a year ago. It's like night and day, black and white. The differences couldn't be any more further apart. Last year at this time I was just starting my last year of my undergraduate work. Now I'm working and not going to school. At this point I'm not really sure what direction my life is taking.

There are still some similarities between then and now. I still have great roommates (they're different then last year but still great), I still have lots of friends, & my boy situation is pretty much the same as it's been for a while (not dating anyone but want to). Here's the difference that I've found between last year and this year: I have found an inner happiness and from what people tell me it shows and radiates in my personality.

Recently, I've just been so happy with my life. I like where I'm at because I feel like I could go in a million different directions but I just have to choose which direction that is. I'm liking just working and not having to worry about a million other little things. I like being able to be a friend to people. A good friend of mine told me a month ago that he's seen me grow and change a lot over the summer. I think I've gone through some things that I have helped me learn to be happy with the circumstances that I find myself in.

Last week I was reading in 2 Nephi chapter 5 and I found a scripture that I have decided needs to be my motto in life. It's verse 27: "And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness." Live after the manner of happiness!! That's the key.

I went through some hard things during the last year but I've finally learned that's okay. Sometimes that's what happens and you have to just get over it. Some circumstances require a good cry every now and then but for the most part life can be happy for the most part.

I'm just happy and I like it. I can think of a few things that would make me even happier but for now I'm content with my life being what it is. For right now I'm okay with just working and hanging out, and seeing that cute boy with the beautiful smile at work. That's enough for me. I will continue to be a happy person because Heavenly Father wants nothing more than for me to be happy and find joy in life.

Great Day, Self, Great Day

Today was just a good day. You know those days that are just pretty good? I had one of those today. There wasn't anything special that happened or anything particularly exciting. It was just a good day.

Today at work I had a pretty good day. There weren't any super angry people that I talked to. I sat next to a cute boy and got to talk to him throughout the day which was nice :) At my work my department is split up into teams and each team has a supervisor that's called a team lead. Last week I found out that my team lead is moving to a different department so all this week I haven't had a team lead. Today I found out that I was assigned to a new team and the cute boy I sat next to today is on my team. Oh, happy day. Haha, I'm really goofy sometimes but I like it.

Tonight I went to a bridal shower for my friend Brittany out in Pleasant Grove. The shower was kinda boring but the best part was the drive to and back. Weird, huh? I went with my friends Alisha, Naomi, Brigette, & Gretchin. Love those girls!! We got super lost on the way their and ended up being 45 minutes late. We ate food, talked to Brittany, & watched her open presents and then left. On the drive back we sang lots of songs at the top of our lungs and it was awesome! We also drove by the Mt Timp temple. It was so beautiful!

It was a great day and I love my life right now! I hope tomorrow will be just as great if not better :)

Lately

So when I was at home in California a certain somebody told me that I needed to update my blog. So here I am.

My job is going pretty good. I like having money coming in to the bank and getting to pay tithing again. I missed getting to do that and I am so very grateful for the many blessings that I have received because of it.

A few weeks ago I finally bought a car! After 5 months having being without one after my accident I have one. It's a silver 2000 Honda Accord and I love it. The mileage on it is pretty good considering it's ten years old. When I went to get my insurance reinstated, I found out my rates are cheaper with this car then with my Hyundai. I was so excited. That right there my friends is what I call a tithing blessing. My car cost me less then my other one and my insurance is cheaper.

This last week I was in California. My little sister got married and I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. The whole family was at home for it. That's a big deal because my whole family isn't in the same place at the same time very often.

Monday night I got back in to Provo. I came back with my mom and Jimmy (little brother). Jimmy's starting BYU next week and he just moved into the dorms. I'm so excited that he's here in Provo. He's really excited to live on his own and start college.

I'm pretty sure next week will be really weird for me. BYU starts next week and it's the first time in a long time that I won't be trudging up the hill to start new classes. I used to get really excited when a new semester of classes was starting but that's not my lot in life right now. But I have work to keep me busy so hopefully I won't be too sad about not being in school.

Yesterday when I was at work I talked to this lady who was so sweet and she loved me. She said that they can never fire me because I am so sweet and helpful. It's customer like her that make it worth it to have to put up with the angry people that like to yell at me. All in all, I like my job okay and it pays the bills :)

This might be a little sad to say but I missed Provo. A lot. I was so happy to see all of my friends when i got back. Especially Ashley Martin!!! She was moved back in to my apartment when I got home. I love that girl and I hadn't seen her since the end of April. I am so very blessed to live with such an amazing girl. I learned so much from her last year and hope to continue to learn things from her this year.

Today was a good day. I bought a new dress and a new shirt for a total of $5!!! The dress was originally $60 and was on clearance for $11.80. The shirt was originally $40 and was on clearance for $4. How does that add up to $5, you might ask?? My mom gave me some Kohl's dollars (ten) and she had a 15% off coupon which brought me total down to $5.27. Love, love, love it!!!

Sorry this is kinda random and jumbled but those are my thoughts right now. I'm super excited for the coming weeks because people will have finished moving in and I can start making new friends. I love making new friends and having old friends that I haven't seen in a while come back.

There's not much else to report. I'm gonna try and be more consistent on this blog thing. But we'll see what happens :) I love my life right now and I wouldn't trade where I've been and how far I've come for anything. It's good to learn lessons and move forward in life.

Remember who you are, where you come from, and where you are going. Be good and be true.

First Week

My first week working for APX Alarm went pretty smoothly. Nothing too exciting. Just training. I'm still in training for the next week. My favorite parts of the day is the hour when I get to Y-jack with someone and listen to the phone calls they are getting and ask questions about them if I have any. These are the best because I can see the real thing in action. Hopefully, by the end of the week I will have taken my first phone calls. The thought is a little scary but my trainer says the best thing to do is just get it over with because the sooner it's done the sooner you can improve.

I'm excited for tomorrow because in my training class we get to meet our team leads (supervisors) and find out what our schedules will be. It'll be nice to kind of know the hours that I'll be working instead of just wondering about it. I've been working the same hours all last week and this week but that's just training hours.

In other news, there are only a few weeks left until fall semester starts for those in school. It's so surreal to not be getting ready for school to start and finalizing a school schedule, buying books and supplies and all those beginning of semester things. So weird. Two things I'm looking forward to as fall gets closer: Ashley comes back from Jerusalem & Jimmy is moving to Provo!!!

I'm going home in two weeks for Ariel's wedding and I'm excited to go home and visit people I haven't seen in a while. I haven't been home since Christmas. It'll be nice to have the whole family together again so soon. As we all are getting older and going in different directions it doesn't happen very often that we are all in the same place at the same time.

Something that I'm really glad I got to do this summer was visit a lot of the temples in the surrounding areas. While the Provo Temple was closed for cleaning I had the opportunity to do baptisms in the Mt. Timp Temple, Oquirrih Mountain Temple, Jordan River Temple & Salt Lake City Temple. It was fantastic and I loved it!!!

job!!!!

After months of searching and tons of interviews and applications I found a job. This morning I had an interview with APX Alarm. I thought it went okay but nothing special. About an hour after my interview they called me to offer me the position. I start training on Monday. I'm excited to finally be working again. It's not my dream job but it's something for me to be doing while I figure out if I still want to go to grad school and while I try to find a job in my field. It will be great to not have to worry about money for a while. I'm so excited because I thought I was going to have to move home if I couldn't find a job before the summer was over. Now I don't have to and I can stay right here in Provo where I have lots of friends and people who I have become really close to. Thank you so much to all of you who have prayed for me and hoped for me in my job search. You have no idea how much I appreciate you.

Visitors

Having old friends that you don't see very often come visit you can be the greatest thing ever. Last night, my dear friend Morgan Anderson came by to visit me. And she brought me a can of soup!! Haha, that made me laugh on the inside. One, because it's thoughtful. And two, soup used to be an inside joke between me and my roommate, Anna Cluff Dixon. Oh those were the good days, haha.

Sometimes just having someone stop by your apartment unexpectedly can be exactly the thing that you need in your life. It's fun to go visit others but it can be really nice that for a change someone stops by to see you. I love old and new friends. It's great to catch up and remember by why you were friends in the first place.

Also, on a random note. I love Psych. I watched it last night with some good friends of mine and it was so much fun. I kept looking for the pineapple but I couldn't find it and that made me a little sad. Maybe next time...

The other day I helped a friend of mine (Jenny) decorate an apartment with glow sticks. At our ward talent show Jenny and some others in the ward did this fantastic glow stick dance and there where lots of glowsticks afterwards. So we tapped them up on 2 boys doors spelling out nice messages. On apt 106 we wrote "You Rock" and on apt 112 we wrote "I love you." Next, we went back to apt 106 because we wanted them to come out and look at it. We knocked really loudly and Eric finally came out and looked at it. He thought it was really cool. So we went into his apartment and decorated the inside walls to spell out each of their names as well as "We love 106". It was pretty much of the funnest things I've done all week. And it looked so cool!!!

I guess this post is a little weird and a little random with me jumping all over the place with different topics but that happens sometimes.

Frustration Building

I find that I am getting increasingly frustrated with the direction my life is going. In the fact that my life really isn't going much of anywhere and I don't know what to do. Every time I get close to thinking I'm getting a job it just doesn't work out for me and the disappointment is hard to face. A company that I really wanted to work for looked really promising. I had 3 different interviews with them but a few weeks ago they called me and told they decided to hire someone else. A program that I applied to work for at the library didn't even select me for an interview.

Sometimes I just want to scream. The disappointments just keep on coming in and I'm finding it hard to stay positive. I've liked actually loved my college experience. But what now? What does one do after college and they don't know what to do or where to go in life?

Sometimes I wish I could rewind the clock to a simpler time. To a time when all I had to worry about was what I got on my math test and getting my chores done so I could go outside and play. I guess it doesn't do any good to look back at the past because life will never be that simple every again. Things just continue to get more complicated, complex, and difficult as you get older.

More and more, I keep thinking I want to get out of here. I like living in Utah. I'm not saying that I don't but I keep feeling that it's time to move on to somewhere new. Maybe another town, I don't know. But I don't know if that's gonna happen anytime soon because I made the mistake of signing a contract for the next fall and winter for where I live now. I did that when I thought I was going to grad school and I had a 2 year plan on the horizon. I want to go somewhere knew so that maybe I have the chance of not being constantly overlooked. I don't know if that's the truth but lately that's how it feels to me.

I'm really sorry if this is a downer to read. I'm not looking for pity at all. I just needed to express what I have been feeling recently and this is how I found that I could express everything I was feeling without being interrupted. I know that I am loved by all and that my life is nearly as dramatic and horrible as I make it out to be but sometimes it helps to vent a little and let it all out.

Life has a funny of working sometimes. Things that you never thought would happen usually end up happening. For example, I really never thought I would graduate from college because I thought I'd get married younger than I am and have to drop out. But look at me now. I did graduate from college and am still not married. Also, by this time in my life (I'm 22) I really thought I would have dated someone. But that still hasn't happened and it kinda makes me sad and think there's something wrong with me.

Now I know that all probably sounds like a pity party but I don't want you to feel sorry for me. Those are just where my thoughts are right now. What makes those things close to the front of my mind is that I know sooooo many people who are either getting married this summer or who got married in the last year and it makes me a little sad because I feel like I'm missing out on some part of life because I'm not doing the same kind of things that all those people are doing.

If once in a while, lately more than before, I get into these funks where I don't like my life and I can't see any silver linings and I don't see how life can be good because all the bad things keep on piling up and I can't see the good parts of my life.

I feel like a failure in some ways. Yes, I graduated from college and that's a big accomplishment. But what's next? I'm not getting a master's degree, I don't have a job, and I feel like once again I'm the one being left in the dust. After being so busy all the time I hate, hate, hate sitting at home all day every day by myself. It sucks and it's not me. I need to be busy. I need to be doing something.

It also hurts when you realize that you've started liking someone that you've known for a while only to realize they like a friend of yours. So once again it looks like I just have to move on.

This line of thinking makes me think of President Uchtdorf's talk from last general conference on patience. Here's a quote that really helped the first time that I read it and hopefully will give me some strength right now: "Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can't see the Lord's hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our characters and pave the wya to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness."

I just wish I understood why I had to go through these experiences now. These lessons that I am being forced to learn are so hard and I just wish I could understand or at least catch some kind of break. I feel like I'm at the point where I don't think I can handle many more bad things happening to me. I'm reaching the breaking point and I don't know what to do about it. I know Heavenly Father only gives you trials that you can withstand and will make you stronger but right now I'm thinking he thinks I can handle more than I'm capable of.

Sorry if this is kinda gloomy. I just needed to vent my feelings and get what I was thinking out my head. Thanks for reading. I know all of you who read this care about me and love me so thanks for your support. I'll try to make my next blog post cheerier. But this is just what I was thinking about this morning.

Graduation Pictures

Me and Ariel

Me and Nicole. Look how proud she is of me :)

Yay!! I made it (with a fake diploma haha)

Me and Candace. I love that girl

The fam. Waiting for things to start.

Me, right after commencement

Brandon!!! I was so excited that he came back to Provo for graduation. He graduated in December and I didn't think I was going to get to see him again :)

Me and Nancy. She is such an inspiration coming back to school after all these years.

A bunch from MFHD: Sarah, Me, Collette, Kaylee, Jeff

Good ol' Brigham

Me and Kaylee. We made it!!

Jacob and his little cutie after graduation :)

After Graduation

Last week I walked in my graduation from BYU. So now it's done. I don't have my diploma yet because my grades for my last classes aren't in yet. But I'm basically done with everything and that's a little weird.

I don't know what I'm going to do now and that's strange for me because I've always, always had a plan for what is happening in my life and so I've had a guide for my life. Well, right now I don't have a plan except for trying to find a job so that I don't go broke or have to move home...

I submitted another job application yesterday at Discovery Ranch. Hopefully that will result in something. I found that job listing from someone in my ward who works there. Keep your fingers crossed for me that something works out.

Yesterday was kind of a lazy day for me. I wasn't working so I didn't really have any place to be. Early in the morning I went with some friends to take Ashely to the airport. It's a little sad but she'll have a good summer over in the Holy Land. When I got back I went for a run and then rode my bike down to the library and got some books. For a while I laid out in the sun by the pool and just read. I haven't done that in a long time. Also, my good friend Jenny came out and talked to me for a while and I really liked that. I love you, Jenny and I'm so glad that we're friends.

I'd give you some pictures from graduation day but my computer is out of comission for a little bit longer. My power cord died and I'm waiting for my new one to arrive. It should be here sometime today, hopefully. Also, if anyone wants to do me a huge favor: I wanted to take some pictures by the BYU signs at the entrance to campus but there wasn't time on graduation day with my family in town so if anyone wants to help me out and come take some pictures with my camera just let me know. As soon as I can get pictures on my computer I'll put them up :)

I coming to accept that not being so busy is a good thing. A good friend of mine has the nice habit of calling me a workoholic so maybe it will be good for me to take it easy for a little bit before I start the next big thing in my life. I'm still looking out for what is next but I'm not going to worry about it too much right now.

Tagged by Mary

Four shows I like to watch...
1. Gilmore Girls
2. Glee...I know you all thought I would never admit it...
3. Heroes
4. Prison Break

Four things I'm passionate about...
1. Life
2. Christ
3. Improving myself
4. Learning

Four phrases I say a lot...
1. Oh my awkward
2. Heck no
3. "PDBio, this is Briana" -- work
4. Don't judge me. You don't know my life.

Four things I have learned from the past...
1. Life is full of surprises
2. Keep moving through life even if it's painful
3. Hard times happen for a reason even if you can't see it now
4. Trust in Heavenly Father

Four places I want to go...
1. Niagra Falls
2. Australia
3. England
4. Africa

Four things I did yesterday...
1. Rode my bike to the Provo City Library to get a couple books
2. Went on a run
3. Took a nap
4. Read by the pool :)

Four things I'm looking forward to...
1. Getting a new car
2. Exercising more frequently
3. Sunshine and warm nights
4. Meeting new friends

Four things I love about spring
1. Warm weather
2. Leaving the heater off and not having to turn on the a/c
3. Laying in the grass outside my apartment
4. Spending time with friends without worrying about school

Four things on my wish list...
1. Job in my field
2. Not worrying about the future
3. Soup
4. Being more compassionate

Four people to tag...
1. Nicole Winegardner
2. Kellie Frederick
3. Amy Knowlton
4. Morgan Anderson

Cap & Gown

Yesterday afternoon before i went to take my final I picked up my gap and gown from the alumni building. It's crazy that it's that time already. It was pretty exciting to show different people that I have my tassel. I just need to get through one more final and then I'm home free :)

I'm super excited to see my family. I haven't seen my parents and younger brothers and sister since Christmas and I'm so grateful that they can all make it out to see my graduate. I don't know what I'll be doing this summer but I can figure that out along the way. The next time I post I'll probably be a college graduate :)

Looking Forward

Things I am looking forward to after graduation

• time to read things that I actually want to read
• time to attend the temple more
• taking time to serve more
• discovering what to do with the rest of my life
• being a better friend
• sunshine and blue skies of summer
• being able to say I graduated from BYU :)
• family picture
• no more homework
• not buying textbooks
• less stress

Things I'll miss after graduating

• pdbio, 'nuff said - I love my job & will miss it dearly
• running into random people on campus that i haven't seen in a while
• good friends i made at school that are now going in a million different directions
• dressing up everyday for work - silly i know, but a girl enjoys being dressed up sometimes
• sflsa - i learned so much from this wonderful group of people & I will miss the club tons
• teachers & advisers that have impacted my life so much
• free t-shirts for doing silly things
• the police beat
• being a college student
• doing homework in the grass & warm sunshine
• and many more that i can't think of right now

A friend recently recommended I read President Uchtdorf's talk from priesthood session of conference. I read it yesterday and it is amazing! I know it was given specifically for the brethren of the priesthood but I felt like it applied to my life so much.

Here is my favorite quote from it that helped me get some perspective on the trials I've been facing lately: "We must learn that the Lord's plan, our understanding comes "line up on line, precept up on precept." In short, knowledge and understanding come at the price of patience.

Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can't see the Lord's hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness."

Finishing Up

We're down to the last weekish of my undergraduate career. Here's what I have left to do:

-attend 4 classes
-finish up 2 papers that are almost done
-one page assignment
-3 final exams

And then....

-GRADUATION!!!!!

It's crazy how this year has flown by so fast. I wanted it to go by slowly because I didn't feel ready to graduate. But it went by even faster than I expected. I am excited and scared to graduate all at the same time. I don't know what lies ahead for me in life. I've always had a plan or direction in my life and right now I don't have much of a plan and I'm still trying to figure it out. Wish me luck on the things that I need to do in the next week and a half :) I'm looking forward to this summer because I'll be living around and with some great friends. I don't have another semester to buy books for and stress over so hopefully this summer will be chill and relaxed.

Chiropractor

Can I say that chiropractors are amazing? I've never been to one before before yesterday. I went and saw one just to make sure my back isn't messed up from my accident. I've been sorry and it's been hurting so on Wednesday I had a message and they wanted me to come back and see the doctor. He adjusted my back and took some x-rays and wants to see me again next week. I'm getting another message next week too. The best part is that all the billing goes through my insurance company so I don't have to worry about paying for anything for my treatment. And I said "Self, great day." A great day indeed. I totally endorse getting your back adjusted if you need it. So worth it.

Crunch, Crunch, Crunch

For those of you haven't heard, last Tuesday I was in a car accident. I was on my way to drop off an application and well let's just say that didn't happen. Don't worry I didn't get hurt beyond some bumps and bruises. My car isn't in very good shape though. Oh well. I'm grateful to have me still intact. It was really scary. I have never been so scared in my whole life. I am extremely grateful that I have family in the area that were able to come to my rescue. I was pretty shook up for the rest of the day so I didn't go to any of my classes. Oh, well. Life happens sometimes.

The good news is that I'm getting enough money from my insurance company to get a new car. Happy Day! I have been so blessed lately. I didn't get hurt and I can replace what was lost.

In other exciting news, yesterday I didn't have to work my whole shift because the building that I work in had a gas leak and so everyone was evacuated from the building. Sad that I didn't do my whole shift but happy because I got to spend some time in the sun and I got my homework done before FHE instead of after. Life has just been too exciting for me lately. What happened to the good old days of being boring? I just don't know.

What my experiences lately have taught me is that Heavenly Father loves me and is watching out for me. I am being truly blessed for the many good things that I have done in my life. My accident has brought perspective into my life that was missing before. The little things that bother me in life really aren't that important. What is important is that I know that Heavenly Father lives and loves his children. I know that Jesus is my savior and that he suffered so much pain so that I don't have to. Hope is an amazing concept that I have come to look to recently. Right now I have so much hope for the future and for the new experiences that will be coming to me. I think sometimes I just need to take a step back and keep an eternal perspective on the different trials and things that are happening in my life.

What to Do with My Life?

The last week has been interesting. If you haven't heard, on Saturday I got a letter from BYU grad studies. I didn't get into the graduate program that I applied to. Saturday was very emotional and I was really upset about it. I really thought I would continue going to school for the next 2 years and be getting a Master's degree. That's not in the cards for me right now though.

After talking to a lot of people and doing some soul searching I have accepted that Heavenly Father has a different plan for me at this time in my life. I know that I am supposed to still be in Utah right now but I don't know what I am supposed to be doing. I have found peace with what has happened but I'm still a little scared because as of right now after I graduate I don't have a job to go to.

I have a few leads on a couple of jobs and a couple of places to send my resume to. Hopefully something will pan out and be something that I can work full time at in the coming year. Sometimes I still find myself asking myself, what do I do now? It's a little scary and difficult at times but I know that I am where Heavenly Father wants me to be.

A lot of people have helped me find peace of this and I just want to thank those friends for being there for me to talk to: Mary, Ashley, Shauna, Brigette, JD, Eric, Kaylee, Jenny. I love you all and you are all great. Thanks for being there to listen to me and help me through the had things.

I'll keep you all posted on anything that develops for me in the job search. All I ask is that if you can say a little prayer for me that I will continue to have direction in my life and know what I am supposed to do in the near future :)

New Post...New Layout

It's been almost a month since the last time I've posted. January and the first part of February were very busy for me. But hopefully the next few weeks will be a little less busy. To celebrate a new month and a new attitude I've updated the layout of my blog. I think it's pretty and I hope everyone likes it.

Last week was super busy. I had two midterms, some papers, a class presentation, and lots of reading on top of all of that. I thought I was gonna go crazy because I really thought that I was going to fail my Sociology 310 midterm. Which would not have been good because I really need to do well in that class. I was super stressed about it because I hadn't been doing well on my quizzes and a lot of the time in class I have no idea what he's talking about and the reading is sometimes confusing. So let's just so I was starting to panic a little bit. Not good. So I ended up going to 2 study groups, a TA review session, and studying for 5+ hours on my own. After the TA review session and 1 study group I was starting to feel better about it. By Saturday afternoon when I went to take it I felt pretty good about it. I'm pretty sure I rocked that thing. Now I just have to wait for it to be graded and I'll see. Oh, and I got full points on my class presentation :) Happy Day!!

Something that I have been thinking about lately is optimism. Over the past for weeks I haven't been very optomistic about life. So a little bit ago I decided that I should stop being such a pessimist and just be a happier with life. Being optomistic is just better :) So I am trying really, really hard to make the difficult things into opportunities and not the other way around :)



Last year a good friend told me that one of the things that she liked about me was that I was always optomistic. It got me thinking about why I haven't been like that lately. The truth is simple: the adversary likes to get you were it hurts the most. For me right now that happens to be my attitude and thinking about my future. A wise person once told me that the times when we are having the most difficulties in life and feeling down and sad are usually times right before something good is going to happen to you or you are going to do something good. After hearing that I decided to just change my attitude and so far life has been better because of it. I love it when I'm a happy girl and life is just so much more beautiful :)



Along with my optomistic attitude I'm going to attempt something that is really hard that I have never done before. I'm going to run a 5k on March 13th!! I've never attempted anything like that at all. I am by no stretch of the imagination a runner. I've been going running on the track here at BYU the last month or so but I can hardly do a mile without getting tired. I can't even run a mile without stopping to walk. So that's a new goal. On March 14th you'll have to ask me how it went. Wish me luck!!

Well, those are all my thoughts and goals for right now. Life is going pretty well and I can't complain. I just have to remember to keep persepctive about life and know that things happen for the right reason and in the right time.

President Hinckley said: "We have every reason to be optimistic in this world. Tragedy is around, yes. Problems everywhere, yes. … You can’t, you don’t, build out of pessimism or cynicism. You look with optimism, work with faith, and things happen."

"Let us go forward in this glorious work. How exciting and wonderful it is. I do not know how anybody can feel gloomy for very long who is a member of this Church. Do you feel gloomy? Lift your eyes. Stand on your feet. Say a few words of appreciation and love to the Lord. Be positive. Think of what great things are occurring as the Lord brings to pass His eternal purposes. This is a day of prophecy fulfilled, … this great day in the history of this Church. This is the day which has been spoken of by those who have gone before us. Let us live worthy of our birthright. Keep the faith. Nurture your testimonies. Walk in righteousness, and the Lord will bless you and prosper you, and you will be a happy and wonderful people" (New Era, July 2001).

Christmas and a New Year

It's been a long time since I last posted! A lot has happened since then. I had my birthday so I am no officially 22. On my birthday my dad called me to tell that I'm old now. While I never thought 22 was old now I know that it is. It was almost like a normal day other then lots of people told me happy birthday. I went to see the lights on temple square with my ward. That was lots of fun but it was freezing! The day after my birthday my roommates threw me a birthday party. It was lots of fun and lots of friends came to spend some time with me. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who helped me celebrate my birthday. I love you all and I love that you think I'm cool enough to be your friend :)

Finals came and went. Ick. Most dreaded time ever. They didn't go as well as I thought they would have but I passed all of my classes. And now I'm in my last semester of college. Scary!

For Christmas I spent it in sunny Ridgecrest, California with my family. I didn't do much of anything exciting. Just hung out with the family a lot and played games. It was nice to get away from the snow but after two weeks I was ready to come back to my friends and good ol' Provo.

A new year brings new challenges and new goals. I didn't do much for New Years Eve but I did make some resolutions that I am going to try very, very hard to stick to.

• Attend the temple at least once a month
• Read my scriptures more regularly
• Eat healthier
• Exercise at least two times a week

Those are my goals and I have been pretty good so far but it's only two weeks into January. You should ask me about it in a couple of months and we'll see where I'm at. A new year also brings new classes. I'm taking 5 classes this semester for a total of 15 credit hours. I wish I had less for my last semester but the only way to do that would be if I dropped my minor which I'm not going to do. I love my major classes that I'm taking. My minor ones are okay nothing too exciting. I'm taking SFL 334, 480, 490, Soc 310, & Soc 345. Which translates to: Adult Development and Aging, Foundations of Morals in Family Life, Advanced Human Development, Social Inquiry, & World Populations. I am learn so much in my Adult Development class and my human development class. They are so much fun and I love my teachers a lot.

My application to the Social Work program at BYU is officially finished. Now I just have to wait to see if they want me in their program. I'm pretty sure that I'll hear back from them by March. Until then I am just going to keep up on my school work and go to work. And spend time with friends and family.

I just wanted to give a little shout out to my big brother. He's probably one of the best big brothers a girl could ask for. His birthday is on Monday so I just wanted to say happy birthday. Happy Birthday, Jacob. I hope this year it's great for you :) Try not to work too hard :)

I don't have the pics from Christmas on my computer yet otherwise I'd put some here for you to see. You'll just have to enjoy the words without the pics. Have an amazing holiday weekend everyone :)

P.S. I recently got my hair cut and I love it!! It was time to chop it all off. Life is just so much better when your hair is shorter. At least in my world it is :)

...

I should make a new entry since I haven't posted in a while put I'm doing this instead...


1. Do you like blue cheese? Not really
2. Have you ever smoked? nope!
3. Do you own a gun? Nope
4. What flavor of Kool-Aid was your favorite? I love strawberry
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointment? Pretty much yeah
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Okay every once in a while
7. Favorite Holiday Movie? A Boyfriend for Christmas :)
8. Favorite thing to drink in the morning? Water
9. Can you do push ups? Not really
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? I'm never without a watch but I also always love to wear earrings :)
11. What's your favorite hobby? Babysitting Samantha
12. Do you have A.D.D? No
13. What trait do you hate about yourself? Sometimes I make goals and don't keep them
14. Middle Name? Marie
15. Name 3 thoughts this exact moment: Tired, hungry, bored
16. What do you read in the bathroom? Nothing.
17. Current Worry? If I can make it through this semester...
18. Current hate right now? The anxious feeling of the first week of school
19. Favorite place to be? Under a blanket with a good book
20. How did you bring in the New Year? Playing games with the family
21. Where would you like to go? Someplace warm but not hot
22 . Name three people who will complete this? Nicole already did but probably no one else, maybe Kellie...
23. Do you own slippers? No
24. What shirt are you wearing? I'm actually wearing a dress today
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No thank you
26. Can you whistle? Sadly no
27. Favorite color? Purple!!!
28. Would you be a pirate? No. I would probably get sea sick :P
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? None
30. What is your favorite girl name? Natalie
31. Favorite boy's name? James
32. What's in your pocket right now? No pockets to speak of
33. Last thing that made you laugh? The plastic thing to cover a bulletin board almost fell on me. That was kinda funny
34. What vehicle do you drive? Hyundai Sonata
35. Worst injury you've ever had? I've never really had any injuries
36. How many TVs are in your house? Zero
37. What is the best memory as a child? Family Activities and Vacations
38. Do you have any pets?Nope
39. Does someone have a crush on you? Probably not
40.Your favorite books? The Host was way good. Right now I'm reading the Hunger Games and I really like it. Alot!
42. Do you collect anything? Charms for my bracelet
43. Favorite sports team? BYU cougs!
44. What song do you want played at your funeral? I haven't really thought about it
45. Who do you tag? I tag...Kellie, Amy KNOWLTON, & Aimee Garrett